Ah, the luck of the Irish.

"Saturday I got a serious job offer as a horse Jockey, also Saturday 3 little kids asked if I wanted to play football with them. last night I get a phone call asking if I would like to earn some extra cash on St Pattys day....i ask how? caller says well we need someone to dress up as a leprechaun FML"

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StatusWack says: I don't know what's better, this status update or the fact that I KNOW the person who wrote it.

Contributed from: Toledo, OH

V. contributed:

"i use to have a mind like a steel trap but now all it traps is me"

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StatusWack says: Growing older ain't pretty. Neither is no punctuation.

Contributed from: Toledo, OH

J. wrote:

"2nd SHIFT LOGAN ACRES - I need someone to trade with me I cant come in tonight Haleys screamin in pain from a possible UTI! Text ME 419-000-0000."

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StatusWack says:  Really?!

S. submitted:

"Thank the gods Collin is now peeing in the potty!!! I pray for the end of potty training!!!"

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StatusWack says: Hmmm... I'm hoping this status update isn't around when Collin is, say 18. Or perhaps running for president. Me thinks the interweb's history is for infinity.

Contributed from: Charlotte, NC

S. submitted:

"My flight landed a half hour early - awesome! I sat next to an attractive older man, unfortunately his breath smelled like farts. No, he wasn't farting. Gross!"

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StatusWack says: Ok, really? Because what's grosser? That man's breath or you writing about it?

Contributed from: Charlotte, NC

J. wrote:

"Anything worth having is worth working for. You only get what u give. If u can't make the commitment and the sacrafice, u never get the reward! Ideas are 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration! U have to b ready to pit the work in and u can't be discourage by setbacks!"

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StatusWack says: OMG. Clearly grammar was never worth working for.

J. submitted:

"{annoying whiny egocentric relative} admits that she's officially sick of the annoying, whining, disrespectful teenagers. The few who are not annoying, whining, and disrespectful remain on my good list. The others, however, really need to stop irritating me--NOW!"

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StatusWack says: Glad that's now official.

Contributed from: Cincinnati, OH

J. submitted:

"Just got kicked in the arm by a mexican on the trolley for drinking grape Shasta?"

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StatusWack says: So many fabulous elements to this facebook status update. Mexican, trolly, Shasta? All of it = awesome.

Contributed from: Cincinnati, OH

S. wrote:

"workin on them ASS muscles. ohhhh yeahhhhhhh baby"

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StatusWack says: Hmmm.... That's what she said.

S. wrote:

"The depth and meaningfulness of someone's facebook statement is directly proportional to the size of their hangover."

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StatusWack says: No truer words have ever been typed.

S. submitted:

"If I have to hear my husband talk about getting a new car for any longer I am going to rip my ears off!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!! Our lease is up in May and he is acting like it will be the end of the world if we don't go out and buy a new one RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!"

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StatusWack says: Really? Your ears? You'd rip them off? I suppose that's one way to not hear him.

Contributed from: Charlotte, NC

L. wrote:

"Len iz waging a war within himself hope i win"

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StatusWack says: Good luck with that.

Contributed from: Ohio

J.N. wrote:

"I think the weathermen are a little too excited by this latest storm that it's almost like they view the snowforecasts as if they were porn. Dare I say you'd think after the broadcast they'll have to sneak off to the bathroom for a few minutes."

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StatusWack says: Heh, heh. Awesome.

Contributed from: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

S. wrote:

"I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint."

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StatusWack says: Ew.

L. wrote:

"DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS."

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StatusWack says: Now that is someone I'd like to be friends with.

A wrote:

"just because were finally stamping the title on it that we decided to remove for a month or two to grow individually doesnt mean that the love wasnt there. the love is what drives the relationship, and to me, we were always connected with that love that was so blatantly there, but not going out. whats the difference between the two scenarios? ..."

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StatusWack says: This 16-year-old old has a lot of feelings.

W. wrote:

"so my gout has left my big toe and traveled to my knee. Man o man its about the size of a softball. Bad bad stuff!"

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StatusWack says: Gout is treacherous. As is his grammar. And, that's not a visual I'm interested in.

B. wrote:

"Why are there handicap parking places in front of skating rinks?"

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StatusWack says: Why is there braille on drive-up ATMs?

A. wrote:

"spring is just around the corner so remember dont kick a fresh turd on a hot day."

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StatusWack says: This guy should write greeting cards.

M says:

"Got to love it when your husband ask if there is anything that will take caulk out of his good sweat shirt and I get to tell him. "If you would have taken the thing off before you started caulking in it, you wouldn't have that problem and no nothing takes it out" He ask, what about the tide stick, I think he should stick to caulking and leave the laundry alone"

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StatusWack says: Did ANYONE learn punctuation in elementary, junior high OR high school?

M. wrote:

"__________ promises to cut back on all nocturnal emissions for the sake of the environment."

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StatusWack says: Ew.

M. wrote:

"Sorry, took shower then had some things that i had to do. then stopped by and lite up Alex... oh spikes goin to get his Balls Cut at 8am in the mornin. So I'll Stop by tomorrow... ok. "


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StatusWack says: I'm not sure Spike cares for you talking about his man parts.

S. wrote:

"...nothing better than squeezing the dog's anal gland. Twice."

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StatusWack says: Um, there's plenty better than that.

M. wrote:

"On my way to the court house for the woman I had arrested for writing me a bad check. Let's see how she is going to explain to the judge she wanted a vibrator so bad that she pulled out a check for a closed account to purchase it. Thought I would just sit back and take being screwed. LOL She don't know me."

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StatusWack says: Go get 'em, tiger. 

M. wrote:

"Feeling such a weight lifted off of me since I told the little boy I babysit for mother I quit. To find someone else. The way my business is booming and I have so many ideas to take it to the next level that I just can't be tied down 7AM-4PM for $15 a day."

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StatusWack says: I agree.

M. wrote:

"Ticked as hell at Key Bank. Tell you that $100 is available of your deposit but then give you 5 bounce check fees because they don't allow your checks to clear using it"

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StatusWack says: Nope. I have no comments. 

K wrote:

"I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life. Let's make some music, make some money, find some models for wives. I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin, and fuck with the stars. You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars."

(She's 15) 

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StatusWack says: Hmmm... She was raised right, no?

D. joined:

D. joined the group National Whore Day/Month Febuary 1 

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StatusWack says: Who knew? I had no idea there was a National Whore Day/Month. Thankfully, Facebook has started a group to support it. 

A. wrote:

"Gracias para mi Pollo !!!"

Translation: "Thanks for my chicken !!!"

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StatusWack says: It's true. We all should be more grateful for the poultry in our lives. 

D. wrote:

"F the Doctor I'm better now holla"


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StatusWack says: Clearly not going to the doctor when you are suffering from a malady is the way to go. Especially if it gives you an excuse to type, "holla." 

K. wrote:

"ok my husband thinks Im going through a midlife crisis with all the support and well wishing..Really Im fine, everything is good..I was just really pissed off at a bride who came in with 4 people instead of her party of 20 after 6 months of emails, and then refused to pay the bill. I called the police and scared the shit out of her, Im sure she'll think twice before trying to stiff someone again. "


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StatusWack says:  That'll teach her.